


Thin Line

by Anonymous



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics), The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Fear, Fluff and Angst, M/M, N52, also pre-flashpoint mentioned, and barry thinks hal is a great hero, barry drives hal mad with his self sacrifices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26445292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Hal and Barry talk about their lives... and deaths.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Hal Jordan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Anonymous





	Thin Line

**Author's Note:**

> Someone called me out for writing more character studies and introspection than action and whatcha gonna do, sue me? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I am on a roll, since I posted my first Halbarry fic back in 2017, I wrote some fics that I never posted and I found my drafts that's how and why I post several fics in a short time lol  
> English isn't my first lang  
> My hypomania wrote this fic

Hal’s white-gloved fingers were drumming on the control panel carelessly as he gazed through the thick window, propping his feet on the panel as well. His eyes were safely hidden behind the mask and his face was blank, he didn’t show any distress or any sign of fatigue after a long mission that only ended an hour ago. Yet, someone who knew Hal Jordan very well could recognize the unnaturally stiff shoulders and most importantly, Hal was never one to have a blank face. He never shied away from showing his anger, his happiness, his cockiness. He always had something to say. But now... now he was just as silent as the galaxy lying in front of him. The rest of the League left the Watchtower shortly after their post-mission meeting. The Flash had the watch duty, so, there was no reason for Hal to be there at all. Especially since he rarely came back to Earth these days so he should spend that time on the planet (instead of Watchtower) with... with who, exactly? His brothers? Hal wasn’t longing for another verbal fight. Carol? She didn’t want to do anything with him after their 34 th break-up or something. 

Earth was supposed to be home yet Hal couldn’t find any reason to be there. Except one. And that reason wasn’t on Earth right now. 

Hal sighed annoyedly and rubbed his eyes with his other hand. The mission was a success, no one died. He had no reason to be this... this annoyed. Angry. Startled. Horrified. He pressed his fist against his lips, closing his eyes tightly to get rid of that image in his head. 

They managed to destroy the evil magical vines or whatever. He didn’t care about Zatanna’s explanation. Hal knew magic was real but he never liked to think about it. Overpowered space weapons that are made of light and can take any shape you want? Okay, he could take that, he could claim to understand and live with that. But the magic was... Magic was unsettling. It was against everything Hal believed. Not that he was religious but... with magic, you can’t rule out any possibility anymore. Suddenly everything, even the most ridiculous ones, was possible. Hal didn’t like that. He wasn’t a science freak like Barry or a control maniac like Bruce, but he loved a balance, he loved certain rules and paths that cannot be crossed. He liked logic. Magic was against all of those things. 

Hal ran his hand through his messy hair, there was no need to be so worked up. Barry was in the other room, getting a snack or two for them. He was here and he was fine. So was Hal. And everyone else. But Hal couldn’t get over the pure dedication and acceptance – of his fate – in Barry’s voice when he opened the comm and let them know that he was at the source of the problem and he would use his lightning to overcharge and destroy the evil vines. 

_ I really loved fighting alongside you guys _ .

Hal slammed his fingers against the console, pressing his head back against the chair. Barry knew what he was doing. He always did. He knew he needed to keep charging it until it exploded and he couldn’t let it go and run away until he could make sure it was blowing up. He was so easily convinced by his part in this story, he so easily accepted his fate, not even considering another option. Hal wanted to beat the shit out of Barry sometimes. His first thought was always  _ self-sacrifice _ . 

But to be fair, Hal wasn’t even sure it was what bothered him the most when he broke down every obstacle on his path to Barry, shielding him and himself with his ring in the very last second.

No, they came face to face with Death before. This wasn’t the first time either one of them tried to sacrifice himself. So, why? Why did it bother Hal more than any other time?

The truth is, Hal knew the answer. 

“Get your feet off the panel, Hal, you will accidentally blow up a planet or something.” He slightly turned his chair to the left to face Barry whose hands were full of snacks that he dumped on the middle chair before settling down on the other one. Hal rolled his eyes behind the mask and lowered his feet. Barry didn’t take his eyes off the space while reaching for a chocolate bar. 

Hal looked down at the snacks for a moment and turned his eyes back at the window. He could feel Barry watching him as he was devouring the chocolate. Hal was almost grateful that Barry wasn’t jumping on him with questions but on the other hand, his indifference annoyed the Lantern.

“Okay, if you have something to say, just go ahead.” Barry didn’t sound angry but there was a slight frown on his face that  indicated he was pretty much aware of Hal’s annoyance. Dark-haired man huffed and reached to the chair between them, grabbing something without looking. 

“Why do you think I have something to say?”

“Because,” Barry pressed, opening the package of a Kit-kat, “you are all grumpy and quiet. And you keep giving me that look and yes, I can notice that even under your mask.”

Hal took a bite from his candy and grimaced. Butterfinger, he hated Butterfinger. He wrapped the package carefully and threw the barely eaten candy next to the empty packages Barry left on the floor. 

“It’s nothing, really.” Hal didn’t know why he was avoiding the talk. A part of him wanted Barry to know. Not only because he wanted to get this off his chest and he was feeling bad for keeping this from his best friend but he also wanted to hear Barry’s opinion. Was he going crazy or was it real? But Hal was 99.9% sure he wasn’t going crazy or dreaming. And it was a scary thought. He was a space cop; he has seen some crazy shit that Barry couldn’t wrap his head around. His best friend’s feet were so securely grounded on the ground, he spent all his time on Earth, running around and fixing problems right and left. He was the “Earthly” one yet... Barry’s powers came from a mysterious energy field that actually convinced Hal that it was the other way around: Hal’s job seemed normal compared to Barry’s crazy life of Seven Forces, time travel, Multiversity and other weird stuff. 

“If you don’t want to talk, I understand.” Barry licked his chocolate smeared finger. “But I feel like you actually want to, you just find it hard to open up.” 

Hal looked down at his ring. This was Barry, Hal had nothing to be afraid of. Yes, he could be considered emotionally repressed sometimes but he also knew that despite his cheerful and friendly attitude, so was Barry. And since the day they met, he felt no need to hide from Barry, to lie to him. He could be honest and open with him. 

“Do you remember that time when you told me about the Flashpoint and I told you I had no idea?”

Barry’s hand stilled on the Pringles can, he turned his head toward Hal, Lantern was purposefully looking ahead instead of meeting his best friend’s gaze but Barry didn’t comment on that. He simply went back to opening the can, lucky for Hal, acting normal. 

“Yes? Just like anyone else?” Because that was not surprising at all. Barry was the only one who remembered Flashpoint and even most of his memories were erased when two timelines merged to create this one.  Barry never expected Hal to have any memories of Flashpoint or pre-Flashpoint timeline. He only asked perfunctorily after explaining the situation.

“Yeah, well... During a mission last year, it started to change.” Barry tried his best to not jump onto that revelation. Hal was grateful for that, instead, Barry continued eating his chips. 

“What do you mean?” When the speedster asked the question, he sounded calm. It was clear he didn’t want to make Hal more nervous than he was. Even though Lantern did his best to not show it. 

“I am not sure. I kept having those... visions. They were almost like dreams, lasted for mere seconds. More pictures than memories really. But a part of me felt... nostalgic. Like... that was real. All those things really happened. And then I remembered you telling me about your own experience with sudden memory bursts.”

“Yes.” He softly mumbled. It came back to Barry from time to time, in a sudden burst of light, he remembered his mother’s smile, the smell of her pies, Daphne Dane’s shiny hair, his first science experiment... All those memories came back to taunt him, mock him. Reminding him what has been lost. All the things he could never have again. He just wished Hal was luckier and his memories weren’t as painful as his, whatever he found in his past brought bliss, not pain.

“It was like that for me. Except, I don’t understand. It makes sense for you, in some bizarre way, your powers are directly tied to the timeline and all the crazy shenanigans that come with it. But I have nothing like that.”

Barry carefully closed the lid and placed the can down.  His appetite was gone now that the conversation was going a direction that made his stomach clench.

“What do you remember?” He asked carefully, turning his chair toward his friend. “From ‘before’?”

“I... I remember you.” Hal met Barry’s eyes. “I remember myself. And a burst of fear, taking control of me like nothing else before.” He lifted his left hand and rubbed his eyes tiredly.  “And I just... It scares me.”

“The fear?”

“No. Not that. It’s bad, too, but...” He lowered his hand, fingers nervously tracing mindless patterns on armrest. “I remember you dying, Barry. And I wasn’t there. I promised you we would face everything together and that I would watch your back but when you needed me the most I wasn’t there, I failed you.” He finally gathered enough courage to look up at his friend. “And I am scared ever since then.”

“That’s why you burst into the room like a frantic man today?” Barry smiled. It wasn’t his fake smile for cameras, it wasn’t his cheerful smile right before cracking a terrible dad joke. No, it was something more fragile, more gentile. It was reserved for Hal and Wally. “Hal, you are such an idiot.” He shook his head and looked down at his hands with a frown. “It was never your fault. I remember that, too.” He lifted his head and looked at Hal. “My own death. I remember feeling fear, fear of never seeing any of you again. You, Wally, Iris, my friends and family. I remember a long-lasting pain, that felt like it lasted for a million of years. I remember dissolving into nothing. And I remember thinking of you.” His smile faltered, sadness taking over his gentle features. “I was... I am glad you weren’t there, Hal. I am glad you were fine and far away from there.”

Hal’s fingers wrapped around the armrest and tightened. He gritted his teeth.

“You remember all that and yet you still run head-first into danger?”

“There are fates worse than death.” Barry’s intense look floored Hal as the blond man reached forward to place his hand on Lantern’s bicep. And Hal knew, god, he knew. He knew how much he would prefer to die instead of becoming that thing he saw in his visions.  That disgusting fear wrapping around his heart, messing with his head, paralyzing him until he kept chanting the same thing;  _ Barry, Carol, my family, Coast City. Must. Fix _ . 

There are fates worse than death. 

Who suffers the most, after all? Barry died a saint, his noble sacrifice was unparalleled, he was the gold standard, set the bar for all of them. He was known all around the Multiverse as the savior of the Multiverse. Barry stopped existing in that moment; his legacy was the only thing left behind. His ideals and his ideas were still there but they couldn’t feel, they were just the fragments of what Barry Allen was. But Hal was alive and he  _ felt _ . He felt pain, heartbreak, the consistent hurt. He felt his own thoughts wreaking havoc in his mind, his fears controlling him. Barry was dead and he found his peace yet Hal was alive and his fall was greater than his good deeds. Barry’s thoughts, dreams and hopes stopped existing the moment he died but Hal’s goodness died when he  _ fell _ . It seemed like no one remembered what he was before, what he was doing, fighting for. No one tried to reach him. And he kept chanting;  _ if Barry was here, he would try _ . 

There are fates worse than death. 

Hal had to live with his friends’ deaths hanging over him, he had to live with his family’s death and his city’s annihilation. He had to live with being a villain, falling from grace. When Hal died, he didn’t leave behind any good thing to be remembered. 

One died a  saint, one died a sinner .

There are fates worse than death.

He looked down at Barry’s hand on his bicep, lifting his other hand to wrap his fingers around Barry’s. White on red. Flash and Lantern. Space cop and speedster. When he lifted his head to look at Barry, the blond was smiling him warmly. He was leaning against the chair between them, his elbows pressed against the arm-rest of the chair. His fingers were gentle and warm through Hal’s suit. Dark-haired man bit his lower lip, he felt a sudden jab at his heart. His eyes filling with unshed tears behind the mask. 

There are fates worse than death. And Hal already went through them in one lifetime. He couldn’t do it again. 

“I am scared, too.” Barry whispered between them. “In Flashpoint... I didn’t tell you but...” He looked down at their hands with wide blue eyes, his fingers slightly tightening around his bicep. “I watched you die. Not literally but... I saw your death announcement on the TV. I wasn’t there. I couldn’t help you.” He forced a smile. “But Hal, you died a hero. And you didn’t need a ring for that.” Barry pulled his hand back from Hal’s and placed his fingers on Hal’s chest, just above his heart. “It’s not the Corps. It’s not the ring. It’s just you.”

It was a moment of intimacy and weakness, while their relationship was always close and Hal has always been touchy, it was never like this. Hal grabbed Barry’s hand and pulled his hand up, pressing a soft kiss on where Barry was wearing his ring. His eyes never left Barry’s wide blue ones. 

“Thank you, Bear.” Barry’s face softened, a smile – so soft, so real, so genuine that’s only spared for a handful of people – appeared on his face as his fingers wrapped around Hal’s. 

“You and me, we will be alright. Don’t worry.”

They were both going to die one day. They weren’t like Diana – immortal goddess – they weren’t like Clark or Arthur. They weren’t like  J’onn . They were just two human beings with beating fragile hearts and a strong will to overcome obstacles. They had fear, hopes and dreams. But being human was beautiful. A never-ending journey would never have the same taste as the excitement of fragile human life.

Life was what they were fighting for. But Death was the one that gave life a purpose and meaning. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am lanthimo on tumblr, thanks for reading


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